Girlfriends Are Meant to be Dumped
Geplaatst op 03-04-2025
Categorie: Lifestyle
Girlfriends are meant to be dumped.
Boyfriends, too.
Now, before you go getting your knickers all twisted so tight that you can’t feel your own nethers, let me say this…
Fiancées are meant to be dumped, too.
That’s right.
Boyfriends, girlfriends, and fiancées… the entire reason they exist is so that they can be dumped. Broken-up with. Temporary.
Okay, now get your knickers twisted. The rest of this discussion will be more amusing to me if you can’t feel your downstairs.
And I am serious about what I said above.
Yes, I know “dumped” is a horrible word. And I want to have a real discussion about it, so I’m not going to sugar-coat this post by using only friendly “nice guy” terms for it. When you’re dating you get dumped or you dump others. That’s the truth of it, and while the ultimate goal is that you hopefully don’t… it is what it is.
Ever since breaking up with the Farmer’s Daughter more than a month ago now, I have thought a lot about girlfriends and boyfriends and what role and purpose they serve in our lives, and the best answer I have come up with is that their entire existence in my life, or in anyone’s life, is so that they can be dumped.
You know, if needed. When we start to like someone, and even fall in love, we hope it doesn’t end, but the reality is that it does and that it often has to.
And that’s okay. I mean, if you think about the standard system of lifelong commitment and marriage that almost any of us go by, this is how it tends to work.
Step one: be attracted to someone. Preferably this someone is of the human variety.
Step two: make some sort of initial contact and setup a date. And, hope that they’re not some crazy stalker murderer psycho.
Step three: start dating and continue dating because you like each other. This is the most fun part of all of dating, so enjoy the heck out of it.
Step four: become boyfriend and girlfriend (or boyfriend and boyfriend, or girlfriend and girlfriend, or, you know, whatever).
Step five: become engaged. You know, if the ring fits.
Step six: get married. This is not funny and no jokes can be made about it. Except this one:
Two brooms are getting married. Before the ceremony, the bride broom says to the groom broom, “I think I’m going to have a whisk.”
The groom broom says, “How can that be possible? We haven’t even swept together!”
Okay, that was stupid. But I laughed, and I know you did, too.
Haha. Now, if we look at all six of those steps… yes. We become depressed as singles. Oh wait. I mean, if we look at those steps, we may notice something.
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There are only two steps on the board that are tied to lifelong commitment. Engagements and marriages.
The difference between the two is simple. One is a lifelong commitment made, one is the trying-on of a lifelong commitment.
In other words, the entire act and timeline of being engaged is there for one solitary purpose: be committed to each other for life without being committed to each other for life. Engagement gives you the chance to see how you work together, how you live together, how you love each other, and how you are together now that you have committed to spend your lives together. Sometimes putting on that lifelong commitment seriously changes these dynamics between two people.
This is why we get engaged. It gives you the chance to end things and get out with very few repercussions if you try that lifelong commitment on and realize that the person you thought you wanted to spend your life with isn’t exactly life-spendable material for you.
And so, if you simplify the idea of an engagement, it’s a part of a system that was built-in to very purposefully be temporary. Even more simply put, fiancées were meant to be dumped.
We hope not. But you know, if needs be.
And if that is true of the person you are engaged to, it’s infinitely more true for boyfriends and girlfriends.
I fell in love with the Farmer’s Daughter. She became my girlfriend. And then something weird happened.
After a while, we both kind of realized that we probably didn’t have lifelong potential. And we couldn’t admit that.
I think we both felt so much pressure to make things work, and to “take it all the way,” and to never have any problems or to fail. I know I felt pressure to be completely right and justified in my falling in love with her. I felt pressure to prove that I couldn’t and wouldn’t ever pick the wrong girl for the long-term.
How much of that was being in the public eye vs. simply fighting the dynamics of the many relationships around me? I don’t know. I only know that I somehow skipped the part where she was actually meant to be dumped.
I know that sounds harsh, but all girlfriends and boyfriends are. She was. I was. It’s the reality of the system.
I hoped that wasn’t the case. But it was.
And through it all, I’ve learned that if a lifelong commitment is something you want with someone, then it stands to reason that you are going to have to do a lot of work to find that person. You are going to have to see how things go with a lot of different people. Surely it won’t usually be with the first, second, or even tenth person you try on in a relationship. Maybe you’re a lucky one and it is, but for me it certainly hasn’t been.
And I don’t know how it could be. I mean, look at you, and your life, and your needs, and your wants.
You are so complex. You have beliefs, and politics, and quirks, and weaknesses, and strengths, and goals, and loves, and hates, and baggage, and hope, and everything else that makes you who you are. To find someone who will fit into all of that for the rest of your life? Like I said, it could take a while.
And so do you see why girlfriends and boyfriends have to be temporary? Do you see why they have to be dumpable? Why they have to be people that we can let go of when we realize that they are not who we want to be with for life? And do you see why the same is true for fiancées?
So please, I just have one request. Make it easy for those you know and love to look at their relationships as such. Don’t pressure them to keep things going with certain people just because you think it is right. Remember how complex you and your life are? The same is true for them. Don’t paint them into corners that lead to lifelong commitments that they don’t really want. And don’t load them with guilt because they understand that girlfriends and boyfriends are actually meant to be dumped.
I honestly believe that there would be so many more successful marriages and lifelong commitments if people could understand this. More people would honestly try on more people to see how they fit before they go running down the aisle with them. Wouldn’t you agree?
So all this being said, if you are a person I am dating, and we decide to take it to the boyfriend/girlfriend level, expect to be dumped if we start becoming overly incompatible, and I’ll expect the same from you. I will understand that it’s nothing personal even though it might be accompanied by heartbreak. It’s the system.
And if you are that person… maybe, hopefully, who knows… things will progress, and we will click, and we won’t ever dump each other. And we’ll go to the next stage of relationship evolvement. And who knows, maybe even the next. And the next. I don’t know.
And I mean that. I don’t know. I won’t ask you to be my girlfriend because I know we were meant to be together for life. I will ask you to be my girlfriend because you’re someone who, so far, seems like someone I might want to be with for life. So let’s see where life takes us and see if that remains true or not.
Yes, I am done with the days where I forget that this is how the system is supposed to work. I am done feeling like I can’t commit as a boyfriend until I already feel that lifelong commitment to someone. I am done letting others push me hard and fast into lifelong corners that I don’t really want to be in. None of that is how the system is meant to be. None of that is healthy.
If my life love is out there, time will do it’s thing. Time together, with the person I’m with. It will get us past each relationship stage, one stage at a time, and time will only help us both, never hurt us, if we are compatible enough and strong enough to progress. Of this, I am certain.
The system is a good one. If, we are willing to go by it.
PS. What are your thoughts on boyfriends and girlfriends and fiancées? Do you agree? Is the purpose of their existence that they can be broken up with?